A man's heart deviseth his way; but the Lord directeth his steps. Proverbs 16:9
In July of 1999 we were married and still the thoughts of Colorado were right there on our mind. Brent stayed in contact with Eric and we continued to bring them out to California. But nothing seemed to be happening.
The doors were not opening up for Eric and Leslie to start this school either. Would they ever?
At this point our dream could have so easily died. There was a lot going on in our life. Brent's mom was going through a battle with breast cancer and Brent was doing really well at work. Why move?
For some reason though, the Lord was continuing to stir that desire in our heart. Colorado was never far from our mind, and it was almost always brought up in quiet, late night talks. Do you think it will look like this? I wonder if we could move now?
We would cry out to the Lord, asking Him to show us His will, His plans.
And still the desire stayed.
We looked at moving out here several times but always the door was closed. Okay, Lord. We trust You. We want Your will. Maybe He'll open the door next year.
When I was pregnant with John-John we began to very seriously look at moving. We scheduled the flights, booked the hotel and began to look at job possibilities. Was it finally time to move?
It was a wonderful trip. Brent spent some time at Nextel in Colorado Springs, we had many long conversations with Eric and Leslie at a sweet little coffee shop and we spent hours walking through houses and driving neighborhoods.
Yet, somehow in that trip we were almost turned off to Colorado. The Lord was shutting the door again and we weren't sure why. Maybe the Lord really wasn't calling us to Colorado. Maybe it would look different then what we originally thought it would look like. We were frustrated but the cry of our heart was Lord it's still in Your hands.
Thankfully the Lord new that we weren't ready to move to Colorado. It was still all about us... what we could do... how we could serve... being in the ministry...
Yes, it had been the Lord who put that desire on our hearts. It had been Him stirring us. There was a purity in our desire to be in the center of His will yet we still needed a refining to take place. We had to die. Our plans and desires had to die. We needed to be fully surrendered to Him and His ways. In His goodness He was taking us down a path and it was not going to happen over night.
It was a journey.
In the following years we would still talk of Colorado but it became less and less frequent. We wanted to be where He was calling us. We wanted to be doing what He wanted and it just seemed like the door to Colorado might not open up and somehow we were beginning to be okay with that.
You Father, we just want You.